a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
