my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
