his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize