I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
