when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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