I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize