Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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