Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
