Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he thought i was a dude.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
