i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
