Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize