I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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