I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
