I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did i walk over a car last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
