This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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