I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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