it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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