its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
