Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im on a boat
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