so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize