My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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