I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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