Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
