Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
