so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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