im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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