Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
