white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I color on your dick again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
