It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
