So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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