it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
