foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize