so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
