I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
