This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
