She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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