My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
