Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize