im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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