What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
