i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
