did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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