i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
