You're completely useless in the revolution.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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