All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
