I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
