why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
