this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
