it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
