never play flip cup with pint glasses
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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