I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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