i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
