My sheets look like a crime scene.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize