Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
