don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
