dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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