I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
