At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
