after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
