I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
