i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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