my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
