Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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