A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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