so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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