I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i now understand why vodka
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
