maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
